Nerd Stuff Listicles on Ranker (Lists #21-23)

It’s time for another Reader’s Digest for the weirdo-nerd articles I’ve been writing for Ranker!

diamond#21 – The 26 Reasons Diamonds are for Suckers

This is probably my all-time favorite. I like it so much; I’ve decided to turn it into a song on my next album. If you read this and still go out and buy a diamond, you’re a moron. I have no idea how anyone should vote on this list, because all 26 entries are equally good reasons to never, ever buy a diamond.
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the-best-spawn-action-figures-ever-sculpted-u1#22 – The Best Spawn Action Figures Ever Sculpted

This is some 3D nerd stuff right here. I’m happy to see that the top voted option is one that I own. People sure do like Spawn more than his Rogue’s Gallery, but I’ll always have a spot in my heart for Cygor, the man/gorilla cyborg with a monkey in his chest.

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default#23 – Every Time Mystique Impersonates Someone in the X-Men Movies

Wow, this was an emotional ride. For someone as wrapped up in X-Men lore as myself, marathoning the whole XCU was a trip. So much goodness; so much awfulness. Voting is disabled on this list so it can be chronological forever.
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Nerd Stuff Listicles on Ranker (Articles #4-7)

I love making lists and I love when people give a crap that I made a list, so as you can imagine, I was very happy to find out that two of my first three lists that I wrote for Ranker.com received over 100,000 views. So, like anyone who loves attention, I wrote even more! Since these articles get re-ordered by readers, it’s fun to look back after a few months and see just how hard people disagree with me.
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the-most-redundant-x-men-characters-ranked-u2#4 – The Most Redundant X-Men Characters, Ranked

I love the X-Men a whole lot, so it really chaps my hide when writers either don’t know their history or just don’t care and they decide to just rehash a character with a “new” one. The great thing about early X-Men stories is that all the characters are unique outcasts. When there’s 7 telepaths running around all the time, it’s not so special.
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best-avenger-comics#5 – Best Avengers Comic Storylines, Ranked

People like new comics and the old classics and nothing in between according to the voting on this list. The 1960’s stuff from Stan Lee and the darker new stuff from Mark Millar and Brian Michael Bendis has all floated to the top while 70’s Steve Englehart books lag behind. This was a fun one to write because I was naive enough to think I needed to read them all before I wrote it. I really liked getting familiar with Under Siege and Ultron Ulimited.
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FyUfZUyd_400x400#6 – The Best Deadpool Storylines, Ranked

Deadpool has weirdly gained in popularity over his 25 years in the Marvel lineup to become one of their most popular characters of the new millennium. You wouldn’t have guessed it from his humble start as a generic, sock-headed ninjassassin. By embracing comedy, a handful of writers have turned him into so much more. Here’s hoping the Merc with a Mouth gets a good big screen treatment later this year.
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MicOnFire#7 – The Best Voice Actors in 90’s Superhero Cartoons

I pitched this one as “Best Actors from X-Men: The Animated Series,” but I’m glad it got expanded into something broader. I got to revisit Spawn, The Maxx, and Aeon Flux, which were all less appreciated superhero cartoons from the 90’s. As I suspected, once the voting opened all of the characters from X-Men: The Animated Series and Batman: The Animated Series flew to the top. And that’s the way it should be; those shows were spectacular. I also learned that the original voice of Optimus Prime worked in the 80’s and then didn’t revisit the character until the Michael Bay movies.
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Nerd Stuff Listicles on Ranker (Articles #1-3)

If you know me, you know I have lists for everything: movies I’ve seen, books I’ve read, beers I’ve consumed, places I’ve been, etc… So I was happy to be asked to start writing list articles for Ranker.com about comic books.  Once they’re posted, readers get to vote to re-rank the list. The results can be pretty surprising. Please… vote your asses off. Here’s a handy guide and a little voting commentary on the first handful:
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images#1 – The Best X-Men Comic Stories, Ranked

For better or worse, I have read just about every X-Men comic pertinent to the main continuity from 1963 to 2014. I hope to be caught up soon. Someone please ask them to slow down for a little bit so I can catch my breath? The voting hasn’t been too shocking aside from the fact that the cheap “Fatal Attractions” storyline from the 90’s has been voted up to third place over classics like “Mutant Massacre” and my personal favorite, the story of Rogue joining the X-Men.
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MostPowerful#2 – The Most Powerful Comic Book Characters Ever, Ranked

When Ranker asked me to write this one, I was thinking about muscles and punching, but I realized that in comic books, the highest power lies with those able to manipulate reality. The voting has been weird since Thanos, Galactus and The Phoenix have been voted to the top despite the fact that the Marvel characters that made them (and could unmake them) are also on the list. I also learned that nobody reads my favorite recent comic book, Irredeemable, since its most powerful character has been voted to the bottom of the list.
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the-craziest-comic-book-characters-ranked-u1#3 – The Craziest Comic Book Characters, Ranked

Insanity is hard to define, but I must be crazy, because I put The Joker second on the list and readers immediately voted him to the top. In fact, they voted a lot of mainstream Marvel and DC characters up to the top, which pushed down independent comic book crazies like Johnny the Homicidal Maniac (a raving lunatic who kills people to keep the walls of his house fresh with blood to keep imaginary monsters away) and Black Noir (a hedonistic super hero who kills and eats babies to frame his clone). I guess those kinds of antics just don’t rate on the cray scale anymore.
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Happy reading! I hope DC or Marvel will read and ask me to come work for them!