Nerd Stuff Listicles on Ranker (#31-33)

Album production (mixing if you’re curious) has slowed me from writing nerd stuff for Ranker.com as much as I’d like, but I still manage the odd listicle. In fact, the mix in this group may be odder than the usual. You get some TV, some sports, and some comic book gore all rolled up with a dash of time travel.

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archervillainns#31 – Archer’s Greatest Villains, Ranked

With how messed up the main characters of Archer are, you forget how messed up the villains are. In fact, sometimes I forget who the villains are. Read this article and more sentences that end in a preposition to refresh your memory!

My favorite will always be Barry… or Other Barry. I can’t decide. What do you think Other Rhune? Oh, I couldn’t say, Rhune.

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jackierobinson#32 – Historical Sporting Events You’d Absolutely Have To Visit if You Owned a Time Machine

This list may seem impractical, but it is probably the most important list you’ll ever read. If, and when, I come into possession of a time machine, if I haven’t already, and enough timejuice to make my way across the space/time continuum, I’m going to be hitting up these games and matches in reverse order of the order they’ve been ranked in by you, the Ranker. My fate is in your hands. I’m especially looking forward to the inhospitable weather games. I can’t believe Jackie Robinson has been voted down so far. Who are you people? Who downvotes Jackie Robinson under any circumstances?

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sincitygore#33 – The 15 Goriest Moments in Sin City Comics

Ranker was on a real kick for lists about gore. So I told them that I know the Sin City comics like the back of my non-gory hand and took a crack at making this list. I don’t know how the roller-booting decapitation remains so low on the list, but I only have one vote to give!

Nerd Stuff Listicles on Ranker (Lists #8-11)

I’ve been spinning out nerd lists for Ranker.com at an advanced pace, and falling behind on posts here! So I guess I’d better catch up. If you want to read them all you can click the tag for my Ranker recaps. Per usual, I’ll add my comments on how people have seen fit to re-order my articles with their votes.

biggest-retcons-in-comic-history#8 – The 30 Biggest Retcons in Comic History

This is a wonky one to vote on. I went with “Biggest” in the title so I could rank them based on their impact and influence on the world of comics. I’d imagine people are voting as much for that as they’re voting for “Best” and “Worst.” Some of these are awful things to have to read or even try to summarize (Xorneto), and some of them are fantastically well written (Supreme). A lot of the most important ones have risen to the top, but no one seems amused at the fact that WWE is reprinting comic books just to have CM Punk removed. I guess that’s just me.
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the-most-destructive-things-that-have-ever-happened-in-comics#9 – The Most Destructive Comic Book Events

This was a tough one to write, because comic book destruction is just so massive. I guess when it only needs to be drawn, it’s easy to crack open a script and write “So, our story begins when a planet gets blown up and ends with total galactic annihilation…” I had to reach into my (admittedly sketchy) grasp on space opera comics, because that’s where the worst things happen. This list also confirmed what I already know, which is that nobody in the world likes Irredeemable as much as I do. It’s the only entry with more than one downvote.
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promiscuous-comic-book-characters-u3#10 – The Most Promiscuous Superheroes in Comics

This was right up my alley! We toned down the title from “sluttiest superheroes,” but since male characters are still hovering around the top, we might’ve gotten away with it. Mystique has flown up from my original position, which I guess means that people assume that a hearty percentage of the sex in the Marvel Universe is Mystique duping other mutants. Meanwhile, Captain Dynamo’s gotten a free pass for his five children from five different mothers.
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vgreligions#11 – The Coolest Religions in Video Games

This was a little something different for me. I think my video game knowledge is pretty decent, especially starting around three console generations ago. I suppose you could call this my most controversial list, since just about every entry has a 50/50 split in upvotes and downvotes. I’d never want to join, but Unitology is my favorite, it’s so insidiously integral to the plot of the Dead Space games. If there’s any belief system I really embrace in real life, it’s the cosmology of Mass Effect. Get ready for the Reaping! I’m also a little sad that nobody likes the Lovecraftian stylings of Eternal Darkness: Sanity’s Requiem.
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Nerd Stuff Listicles on Ranker (Articles #1-3)

If you know me, you know I have lists for everything: movies I’ve seen, books I’ve read, beers I’ve consumed, places I’ve been, etc… So I was happy to be asked to start writing list articles for Ranker.com about comic books.  Once they’re posted, readers get to vote to re-rank the list. The results can be pretty surprising. Please… vote your asses off. Here’s a handy guide and a little voting commentary on the first handful:
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images#1 – The Best X-Men Comic Stories, Ranked

For better or worse, I have read just about every X-Men comic pertinent to the main continuity from 1963 to 2014. I hope to be caught up soon. Someone please ask them to slow down for a little bit so I can catch my breath? The voting hasn’t been too shocking aside from the fact that the cheap “Fatal Attractions” storyline from the 90’s has been voted up to third place over classics like “Mutant Massacre” and my personal favorite, the story of Rogue joining the X-Men.
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MostPowerful#2 – The Most Powerful Comic Book Characters Ever, Ranked

When Ranker asked me to write this one, I was thinking about muscles and punching, but I realized that in comic books, the highest power lies with those able to manipulate reality. The voting has been weird since Thanos, Galactus and The Phoenix have been voted to the top despite the fact that the Marvel characters that made them (and could unmake them) are also on the list. I also learned that nobody reads my favorite recent comic book, Irredeemable, since its most powerful character has been voted to the bottom of the list.
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the-craziest-comic-book-characters-ranked-u1#3 – The Craziest Comic Book Characters, Ranked

Insanity is hard to define, but I must be crazy, because I put The Joker second on the list and readers immediately voted him to the top. In fact, they voted a lot of mainstream Marvel and DC characters up to the top, which pushed down independent comic book crazies like Johnny the Homicidal Maniac (a raving lunatic who kills people to keep the walls of his house fresh with blood to keep imaginary monsters away) and Black Noir (a hedonistic super hero who kills and eats babies to frame his clone). I guess those kinds of antics just don’t rate on the cray scale anymore.
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Happy reading! I hope DC or Marvel will read and ask me to come work for them!