Zombiegeddon!

Not long ago, I wrote in this space, asking for people to send in their best zombie impression. The end goal was to create the backdrop for a “radio play” about zombies. “Zombiegeddon!” is the result, and the third track on American Chipfunk.

The dialog comes from a screenplay that I meant to produce as a film before I ran out of money. The brilliant voice acting and improvisations were provided performed by my sister, Emelie O’Hara, and her friends, Ian Tindell and Curtiss Frisle. It was a lot of fun to do some sound design on a piece that didn’t have to conform to the rigorous rhythmic standards of music.

Have a listen or download it for posterity:

Zombiegeddon! Lyrics Download

Everybody loves zombies now. Film studios love them because they’re cheaper than dragons. Horror fans love them because of their uncanny resemblance to the living. Christians love them because Jesus was one. I love them because I really think I’d be happier in a post-apocalyptic zombie world. In that world, when someone annoys you (and they’re undead) you’re allowed to hit them in the face with an ax. In fact, it’s encouraged. If they do turn out to have been living, you just claim that you thought they were a zombie! Sadly in the real world, you’re pretty much never allowed to hit someone in the face with an ax.

Now that even the morons in Hollywood have figured out that zombies are awesome, is it still cool to like zombies? Heck yes, but only if you’ve done your research.

Usually, I like to write a top ten list or history lesson with each of my song blogs, but that’s not gonna happen on the topic of zombies. Nope. Since I’m a zombie expert, you’re getting a top 30-or-so list of the best zombie stuff ever. What’s “stuff?” Anything can be stuff. Movies, comics, video games, 3-minute radio plays from my album, tv shows, you name it. I’ve even ranked them this time. Please feel free to disagree loudly and often.

My criteria for “what makes a zombie” can be summed up in two words: infection and resurrection. Here’s the best 32 things ever made about zombies.

32. Return of the Living Dead Movie The punk sibling of George A. Romero’s flicks. It has a naked zombie girl for most of it.
31. Resident Evil Movie It’s not the best of it’s breed, but it sets the tone
for it’s superior sequels.
30. Resident Evil 5 Game The best looking zombies in game history.
29. Day of the Dead (Remake) Movie This one got bonus points for taking place in CO.
28. House of the Dead Game No arcade is complete without this cabinet and it’s two plastic guns on wires.
27. Resident Evil 2 Movie Basically, it’s the first movie expanded to a
citywide scale. Monsters are horrible though.
26. Dead Snow Movie Not the most sensical zombie film, but the zombies are Nazis. So there’s that.
25. Pandorum Movie I’m still not sure this fits the genre, which is the
only reason its this low on the list.
24. Resident Evil 3 Movie The third time was a charm. It’d be nice if the trend continued for the fourth.
23. I Am Legend Movie They screwed up the ending.
22. Dead Space Game This is a borderline genre call as well, but it’s so
damn good. Possibly the scariest game ever.
21. Thriller Music Video Normally, I don’t like when zombies dance. Did you know Michael Jackson’s in this?
20. I Am Legend Book It’s much better with the original ending, because
then the title actually makes sense.
19. Undead Movie Few have seen this Australian comedy, which sucks. Its almost as good as Shaun of the Dead.
18. Resident Evil 4 Game Re-invigorated the survival horror and zombie genres.
17. Dead/Alive Movie The bloodiest movie ever. Works for me.
16. Dead Rising 2: Case Zero Game This mini-game sets the table for Dead Rising 2, which could compete for the top spot on this list.
15. Land of the Dead Movie Romero’s take on classism in the USA.
14. Zombieland Movie It’s not perfect, but it’s a decent training video
for the actual zombie apocalypse.
13. Planet Terror Movie Robert Rodriguez’s zombie apocalypse not only has great zombies, it has great characters.
12. World War Z Book This book is the definitive work on how it will all
go down on a global scale.
11. [Rec] Movie This Spanish movie is the Blair Witch of zombie films. It was remade poorly by Americans.
10. 28 Weeks Later Movie This sequel is great because it’s about screwing it all up after we defeat the zombies.
9. Dawn of the Dead Movie The classic satire on American consumerism.
8. The Walking Dead Comic It’s not even finished yet, and it gets 8th place.
7. Left 4 Dead Game This was the first simulator to really get it right.
If everyone played it, we’d all be ready…
6. Left 4 Dead 2 Game ..and this is the definitive simulator. I practice
once or twice a week, just to stay sharp.
5. Night of the Living Dead Movie Simply put, Patient Zero.
4. 28 Days Later Movie This is the most hardcore zombie movies get without being Italian and unwatchable.
3. Shaun of the Dead Movie More than a comedy, it’s a zombie amalgamation, a zombgalmation, if you will.
2. Dawn of the Dead (Remake) Movie I’m sure people will disagree, but for me, this one summarizes the genre perfectly.
1. Dead Rising Game Every facet of the zombie apocalypse you could ever want to explore and it all fits in the mall.

Calling All Zombies!

If you want to help out and have your voice to be heard on my new album, listen up…

Mixdowns for my new album, American Chipfunk, are nearly complete, but when I listened to it, I felt like it needed a sketch to break the songs up. I remembered an old screenplay I’d written that was mostly dialogue between four survivors of a zombie epidemic. You know I love zombies. If you don’t know how much I love zombies, have a listen to an older song about how much I literally love zombies:


<a href="http://rhunekincaid.bandcamp.com/track/zombie-mamacita">Zombie Mamacita by Rhune Kincaid</a>

I turned my old screenplay into a radio play. Y’know,  like the old-time radio show adventures from the 40’s like The Shadow. The sketch it includes my favorite part of any zombie soundscape, the ever-present Zombie Moan ™.

I’m not gonna lie. It’s a pretty scary sounding horde. But it could be scarier. That’s where you come in. If you are reading this, you are invited to be part of the horde. Just record yourself doing two minutes of your best zombie moan and send it as an attachment to info@rhunekincaid.com. In return, you’ll get a credit on the album and the satisfaction of knowing you were part of the best zombie moan of all-time. Don’t forget to include the name you want credited. Send them in by 11:59 pm on April 18th, 2010, or you’re just another shambling zombie with no direction.

Before you do, let me give a couple of tips on being a good zombie:

  1. 1. The most important thing you can do as a zombie is lose all inhibition. A laughing zombie is not a scary zombie.
  2. 2. Make it a *.wav, *.mp3 or *.aif in the highest quality setting you can.
  3. 3. It takes all kinds of zombies, moaners, gurglers, coughers, hackers, wheezers, bleeders, chokers and garblers to make up a horde, mix it up!
  4. 4. Don’t move around. Don’t get that into it. That messes up the recording, and it’s weird.
  5. 5. Decide whether or not you want people to think you’re crazy. I didn’t warn my roommates, I just set up the mic and went. I do that kind of thing a lot though, so they probably just thought my singing sounded worse than usual.
  6. 6. Try not to sound like Ludo from Labyrinth. We already have that covered.

Don't sound like Ludo, or he'll come beat his royalties out of you.

That just about covers it. Now get busy moaning!