Nerd Stuff Listicles on Ranker (#24-30)

There’s no better kept secret on the internet than the articles I write for Ranker.com… until now! One of these babies has over 2.4 million views. Millions! Which one? You’ll have to read to find out, but it has to do with sex and a TV show with a title that rhymes with Schmame of Schmones.

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-important-events-that-happened-before-game-of-thrones-even-started#24 – Game of Thrones Backstories that Happened Before the Books Even Started

This was extremely fun to write. It’s probably the second or third or thirty-ninth best (unofficial) prequel to A Song of Fire and Ice you can possibly read! Though practically everyone involved is already dead, readers seem to think that the whole Rhaegar-Targaryan-kidnapping-Lyanna-Stark thing will be a prominent storyline in the seasons to come whilst poo-pooing on Jorah Mormont and Mance Rayder’s storylines.
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Morrison#25 – The Best Grant Morrison Comics of All Time

I barely remember writing this one, but it’s all true. All-Star Superman has bubbled to the top, but my pick will always be The Invisibles and Morrison’s plea for a spiritual “wankathon” to keep the book from getting canned. It was my introduction to “chaos magic,” which I’m still not any good at.
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George-RR-Martin#26 – Surprising Facts about George R. R. Martin’s Writing Habits

Writing about how someone else writes their writings was one of the more grueling things I’ve been written to to write about. I can’t deny that GRRM is a quirky dude, but I guess I’m a quirky enough dude that I’m only surprised that he doesn’t have quirkier quirks. The most surprising fact about him is that he’s not more arrogant or precious about his baby (like the hacks that are currently ruining The Walking Dead). I also like his hats.
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efrem-zimbalist-jr-in-batman-the-animated-series-photo-u2#27 – The Best Alfreds in Batman History

Back to comic books, or at least, comic-book-based properties for me! I had kind of assumed that people would vote the movie actors up to the top of the list, so I’m happy to see that Efrem Zimbalist Jr.’s portrayal from Batman: The Animated Series has risen to the lead. Ranker rankers know what they’re ranking about.
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just-one-of-the-guys-photo-u6#28 – 22 Unexpected Nude Scenes in Movies

It looks like Jason Segel’s wiener is still holding down the top spot on this list. Boobs are downright commonplace, but a surprise wiener can be the most unexpected nudity of all. I originally posted uncensored images with the understanding that someone at Ranker was going to make black bars, but I guess they just went for bare-ly related screengrabs. I’m sorry, Mr. Skin, I have failed you.
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#29 – Game of Thrones Sex Scenes That Aren’t Even in the Books

This list appears to be non-voteable, which is a shame, because it could be ranked by scandalousness, egregiousness, or gratuitousness. But you know what? I don’t care. That’s because it has, at the time of blogging, 2.4 million views. If I had a penny for everyone of those views, I think I’d have like $24,000? I think it makes sense to amp up the visual intensity of a book when it’s being adapted to the screen, but these scenes have made some folks (who probably still wear buckles on their hats) get all huffy. I only get huffy over the ones that involve drastic character and/or plot changes.
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#30 – Game of Thrones Religions Worth Believing In

People are just not into the Lord of Light! Voters would rather turn their lips blue or be confused, beaten and blinded by the Many-Faced God than join up with R’Hllor, and I dunno, learn how to ressurect the dead? That seems cool to me, but I guess not everyone is onboard with burning children at the stake. Sign me up!
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Rhune Loves Siri

I don’t go on the air very often at Loveline, but when I do, it’s usually because there’s a high chance of me being embarrassed, like in this video clip where I was put on the spot to flirt with my favorite pornstar, the lovely Siri.

Why do I love her so? Here’s why:

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Coppin’ a Feel – (Super Boobed Outtakes Edition)

For the past 4 years, during Breast Cancer Awareness month, I’ve always been sure to post my original Coppin’ a Feel music video in hopes of raising awareness (not really, I just like attention. Boobs and attention). This year, I thought I’d mix it up with a different version that no one has ever seen. I apologize in advance.

I was a much less mature person when I made the original music video. I put all the extra, inappropriate squeezing, spanking, rubbing, bouncing and touching outtakes into a separate timeline in case I needed them to fill a few beats. Then it turned into this. There’s no storyline. There’s no continuity. There’s no smart editing. Just boobs. Boobs on the move. It’s actually kind of sexy for something so disorganized.

So it existed, but it just sat on a hard drive for four years, which was smart, but now there’s #ThrowbackThursdays, so…

Hey, also, why don’t you donate to a cancer research charity or something? It doesn’t even have to be for boob cancer. I’ve learned since then that research saves a lot more lives than awareness. I hope you still like the song.

Tay Zonday’s Lockout and Me

This makes me so happy. Some Youtube luminaries have weighed in on my music video for “Coppin’ a Feel.” This may be the nicest thing anyone’s ever made about my music. It features Tay Zonday, Mystery Guitar Man, Ethan Newberry and Exotic Jess, who doesn’t have many nice things to say, but even that makes me happy. Thanks to BAMMO for making this happen!

To give this blog post a little beef, I’ll respond to my “critics.”

To Tay Zonday:
Thank you, I’m honored. +30035 (boobs).

To Exotic Jess:
I didn’t have a girlfriend when I wrote the song, but I did by the time I made the video (and still do) which made the whole thing a bit more nerve-wracking than boneriffic. Also, while girls might not notice when they’re checking their rack… I do.

To Mystery Guitar Man:
I did make a Craigslist post, but didn’t cast anyone from it. They all seemed like the kind of girl that might shiv the whole crew and steal the camera.

To Ethan Newberry:
You get me bro. I will send you that loop.

Coppin’ a Feel (Official Music Video)

People often ask why there’s no music video for “Coppin’ a Feel.” Ask no more!

Coppin’ a Feel (Official Music Video)

Don’t forget, you can get the MP3 or the entire American Chipfunk album on the music page.

Preview stills for you still-pervs: