Diamonds Are For Morons (Official Music Video)

One day, I started wondering why diamonds are so expensive. And if they are so rare and expensive, how could they possibly have become such an integral part of our engagement rituals? Historically, very few people have been lucky enough to have disposable income, and yet, a whole lot of people have gotten engaged.

How can so many people have observed an expensive ritual that requires an allegedly unobtainable resource?

How does that work?

Something doesn’t add up.

I did some research. I learned about a lot of lying. I wrote an essay. I set it to music and it was 26 minutes long, and I didn’t have nearly that much music. I wrote some more music. I linked the six themes and looped them to stick in your head. I cut the essay down considerably and practiced reading it really fast. I recorded it and worked with an animator to create a video.

There’s a lot more that I wish I could’ve included. I wish I’d mentioned the fact that most of the world’s diamonds live in warehouses in Great Britain. Or that the biggest boom in the diamond tradition came from targeting traumatized World War II veterans who were looking for ideas to hang onto as they attempted to return to normalcy. Or how “recommitment rings” and “recommitment ceremonies” are just a shallow attempt to pawn off an excess of supply to a disinterested demographic. I wish I’d relayed more icky quotes in my old-timey barker voice.

But I didn’t make time for everything. So, in 2,250ish words and 13ish minutes, here is all of the most important stuff that I learned.

I hope it makes you laugh at a few things; I hope it makes you question everything.

If this blows your mind too, PLEASE share and “funny” the video on Funny or Die.
Or share the YouTube if you prefer.
It’s also on Facebook for liking and sharing and commenting.
And it’s way too long for Twitter. So don’t look there.

If you want the MP3 of this song or any of my songs and albums, you’ll find them all for your downloading and streaming pleasure(s) at

diamonds are for morons by rhune kincaid

Nerd Stuff Listicles on Ranker (#31-33)

Album production (mixing if you’re curious) has slowed me from writing nerd stuff for as much as I’d like, but I still manage the odd listicle. In fact, the mix in this group may be odder than the usual. You get some TV, some sports, and some comic book gore all rolled up with a dash of time travel.

archervillainns#31 – Archer’s Greatest Villains, Ranked

With how messed up the main characters of Archer are, you forget how messed up the villains are. In fact, sometimes I forget who the villains are. Read this article and more sentences that end in a preposition to refresh your memory!

My favorite will always be Barry… or Other Barry. I can’t decide. What do you think Other Rhune? Oh, I couldn’t say, Rhune.

jackierobinson#32 – Historical Sporting Events You’d Absolutely Have To Visit if You Owned a Time Machine

This list may seem impractical, but it is probably the most important list you’ll ever read. If, and when, I come into possession of a time machine, if I haven’t already, and enough timejuice to make my way across the space/time continuum, I’m going to be hitting up these games and matches in reverse order of the order they’ve been ranked in by you, the Ranker. My fate is in your hands. I’m especially looking forward to the inhospitable weather games. I can’t believe Jackie Robinson has been voted down so far. Who are you people? Who downvotes Jackie Robinson under any circumstances?

sincitygore#33 – The 15 Goriest Moments in Sin City Comics

Ranker was on a real kick for lists about gore. So I told them that I know the Sin City comics like the back of my non-gory hand and took a crack at making this list. I don’t know how the roller-booting decapitation remains so low on the list, but I only have one vote to give!

Why #GiveCaptainAmericaABoyfriend Offends ME

I am vehemently against Captain America being made gay in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and here’s why:

If you are longing for gay comic book hero that you can admire and idolize, then you don’t know anything about comic books, can’t function Google, and in my opinion, don’t deserve to be a part of the conversation.

If half the energy put into #GiveCaptainAmericaABoyfriend went into adapting The Authority into a mature and faithful film, it would be light-years better for the community, comic books as a medium, and the world.

Begging to have an agenda-switch flipped on an existing character is so sad and desperate when writers are making amazing things that fit the agenda and the offended parties are just too lazy or busy being offended to find it.


That’s the fans’ job in this exchange: to find what you like and support it. If you don’t, who will? And if your demographic is small, then it makes that job that much more important. Do your job.

Nerd Stuff Listicles on Ranker (#24-30)

There’s no better kept secret on the internet than the articles I write for… until now! One of these babies has over 2.4 million views. Millions! Which one? You’ll have to read to find out, but it has to do with sex and a TV show with a title that rhymes with Schmame of Schmones.

-important-events-that-happened-before-game-of-thrones-even-started#24 – Game of Thrones Backstories that Happened Before the Books Even Started

This was extremely fun to write. It’s probably the second or third or thirty-ninth best (unofficial) prequel to A Song of Fire and Ice you can possibly read! Though practically everyone involved is already dead, readers seem to think that the whole Rhaegar-Targaryan-kidnapping-Lyanna-Stark thing will be a prominent storyline in the seasons to come whilst poo-pooing on Jorah Mormont and Mance Rayder’s storylines.
Morrison#25 – The Best Grant Morrison Comics of All Time

I barely remember writing this one, but it’s all true. All-Star Superman has bubbled to the top, but my pick will always be The Invisibles and Morrison’s plea for a spiritual “wankathon” to keep the book from getting canned. It was my introduction to “chaos magic,” which I’m still not any good at.
George-RR-Martin#26 – Surprising Facts about George R. R. Martin’s Writing Habits

Writing about how someone else writes their writings was one of the more grueling things I’ve been written to to write about. I can’t deny that GRRM is a quirky dude, but I guess I’m a quirky enough dude that I’m only surprised that he doesn’t have quirkier quirks. The most surprising fact about him is that he’s not more arrogant or precious about his baby (like the hacks that are currently ruining The Walking Dead). I also like his hats.
efrem-zimbalist-jr-in-batman-the-animated-series-photo-u2#27 – The Best Alfreds in Batman History

Back to comic books, or at least, comic-book-based properties for me! I had kind of assumed that people would vote the movie actors up to the top of the list, so I’m happy to see that Efrem Zimbalist Jr.’s portrayal from Batman: The Animated Series has risen to the lead. Ranker rankers know what they’re ranking about.
just-one-of-the-guys-photo-u6#28 – 22 Unexpected Nude Scenes in Movies

It looks like Jason Segel’s wiener is still holding down the top spot on this list. Boobs are downright commonplace, but a surprise wiener can be the most unexpected nudity of all. I originally posted uncensored images with the understanding that someone at Ranker was going to make black bars, but I guess they just went for bare-ly related screengrabs. I’m sorry, Mr. Skin, I have failed you.
#29 – Game of Thrones Sex Scenes That Aren’t Even in the Books

This list appears to be non-voteable, which is a shame, because it could be ranked by scandalousness, egregiousness, or gratuitousness. But you know what? I don’t care. That’s because it has, at the time of blogging, 2.4 million views. If I had a penny for everyone of those views, I think I’d have like $24,000? I think it makes sense to amp up the visual intensity of a book when it’s being adapted to the screen, but these scenes have made some folks (who probably still wear buckles on their hats) get all huffy. I only get huffy over the ones that involve drastic character and/or plot changes.
#30 – Game of Thrones Religions Worth Believing In

People are just not into the Lord of Light! Voters would rather turn their lips blue or be confused, beaten and blinded by the Many-Faced God than join up with R’Hllor, and I dunno, learn how to ressurect the dead? That seems cool to me, but I guess not everyone is onboard with burning children at the stake. Sign me up!

Nerd Stuff Listicles on Ranker (Lists #21-23)

It’s time for another Reader’s Digest for the weirdo-nerd articles I’ve been writing for Ranker!

#21 – The 26 Reasons Diamonds are for Suckers

This is probably my all-time favorite. I like it so much; I’ve decided to turn it into a song on my next album. If you read this and still go out and buy a diamond, you’re a moron. I have no idea how anyone should vote on this list, because all 26 entries are equally good reasons to never, ever buy a diamond.
the-best-spawn-action-figures-ever-sculpted-u1#22 – The Best Spawn Action Figures Ever Sculpted

This is some 3D nerd stuff right here. I’m happy to see that the top voted option is one that I own. People sure do like Spawn more than his Rogue’s Gallery, but I’ll always have a spot in my heart for Cygor, the man/gorilla cyborg with a monkey in his chest.

default#23 – Every Time Mystique Impersonates Someone in the X-Men Movies

Wow, this was an emotional ride. For someone as wrapped up in X-Men lore as myself, marathoning the whole XCU was a trip. So much goodness; so much awfulness. Voting is disabled on this list so it can be chronological forever.