There’s No Tasering in Baseball!

A lot of people are up-in-arms over the recent on-field tasering at a Philadelphia Phillies game. To summarize, a 17-year old jackass interrupted the Phillies game by running onto the field, and in response, a cop used a taser to bring him down. Some people are in favor of tasing as it has been responsibly tested on sheep on meth, other people call this excessive force that can kill people. Personally, I am against tasing baseball field invaders and I will outline my reasons.

I am a baseball purist, a traditionalist, if you will. I don’t like the Designated Hitter rule. I don’t like Interleague Play. I don’t think Alex Rodriguez should run across the mound like a dickhead. I think Barry Bonds deserves an asterisk. I don’t think pitchers should be ejected for throwing at batters, especially Alex Rodriguez and Barry Bonds.

So when I see some 17-year old degenerate (or the fat-ass copycat he inspired) running around the field, I want to see them tackled. I want to see the security guards drive him into the ground. I want to see him eat turf… awake. I want to see him get speared with a shoulder to the guts.  This teenager was wily, but he wasn’t Barry Sanders. It would’ve taken another 15 seconds to bring him down the old fashioned way, and we would’ve gained the entertainment value of a proper slobber-knocker.

Field invaders also provide an opportunity to showcase proper tackling technique. As you probably know, proper tackling is on the decline in sports and everyday life. People don’t know the fundamentals.  Security guards should be role models and teach children to stay low and above all, “wrap up.” That means to use your arms in bringing someone down and not just rely on the impact from a shoulder. Wrapping up is the single most important aspect of tackling. How do we expect our children to learn to tackle properly if they see grown-ups simply tasing each other? Answer: They Won’t.

We will end up with a generation of children who can’t tackle and that would be the greatest tragedy of them all. So I say, let’s keep the tasers off the baseball field. It’s for the children.

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admin, May 5th 2010 | Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in off topic, sports

Did we draft Tim Teabag?

Well, I didn’t cry, but the Broncos picks did leave me making my “confused face” which is pictured a few posts below. When the Raiders took Rolondo McClain, I slammed my menu on the table several times before I realized I was in public  and that I might spill my Blue Moon.

When the Broncos traded down and then back up, I feared the worst… I thought they would pick Dez “What about me Doesn’t Spell Trouble?” Bryant or Jimmy “Mean Face” Clausen. I didn’t like the pick of Demaryus Thomas, but I can’t deny that he fills a need. I really don’t agree with picking receivers or running backs in the 1st  round though. I also don’t agree with people who like Twilight: New Moon, but what can you do? Some people do it, even though the first movie is obviously superior.

I’m sure most of you know by now, the Broncos overpaid to move back into the first round where they selected Mr. Goody-Two Shoes, Right-Wing, Notorious Momma’s Boy Tim Tebow. I don’t like it, but not because of the reasons the media has given. The amount of energy spent criticizing his throwing motion could have (and should have) powered a third-world country. Bernie Kosar got the job done with a low delivery. The only problem with Kosar’s deliveries was when he would bounce them… I’m not talking about footballs though, I’m talking about checks! ZING!

As an aside, when I was young, Bernie Kosar was a frequent adversary of the Broncos, and my friends and I took to calling him “Kernie Bosar.” That’s not really that clever or funny, but at the time, we thought it was a scathing, stinging insult. If Tebow doesn’t succeed, I’d like to be the first to throw out the derisive name, “Tim Teabag,” as a possibility. We won’t know if we need it for about three years, so I’m just throwing it out there early.

No, the real reason I don’t like the pick is because the Broncos lack a center, inside linebackers and guards. This signifies to me that these holes are going to be filled “by the time Tebow is ready to start.” Make no mistake mi Amigos. For better or worse, Tebow is going to start for the Broncos. Teams don’t spend first-round picks on QBs on a whim. The team is going to suck a little to be better in the long term… I just wonder if there will be a “long term” for Josh “Everything is Going According to Plan, Even Though Everything I do Seems Stupid To You” McDaniels. There won’t be if Tebow doesn’t get to an AFC Championship game by Year Three.

Check back soon as my next post will be about something we can all be interested in: the best meal a man can eat… ever.

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admin, April 23rd 2010 | Tags: , , ,
Posted in off topic