Zombiegeddon!

Not long ago, I wrote in this space, asking for people to send in their best zombie impression. The end goal was to create the backdrop for a “radio play” about zombies. “Zombiegeddon!” is the result, and the third track on American Chipfunk.

The dialog comes from a screenplay that I meant to produce as a film before I ran out of money. The brilliant voice acting and improvisations were provided performed by my sister, Emelie O’Hara, and her friends, Ian Tindell and Curtiss Frisle. It was a lot of fun to do some sound design on a piece that didn’t have to conform to the rigorous rhythmic standards of music.

Have a listen or download it for posterity:

Zombiegeddon! Lyrics Download

Everybody loves zombies now. Film studios love them because they’re cheaper than dragons. Horror fans love them because of their uncanny resemblance to the living. Christians love them because Jesus was one. I love them because I really think I’d be happier in a post-apocalyptic zombie world. In that world, when someone annoys you (and they’re undead) you’re allowed to hit them in the face with an ax. In fact, it’s encouraged. If they do turn out to have been living, you just claim that you thought they were a zombie! Sadly in the real world, you’re pretty much never allowed to hit someone in the face with an ax.

Now that even the morons in Hollywood have figured out that zombies are awesome, is it still cool to like zombies? Heck yes, but only if you’ve done your research.

Usually, I like to write a top ten list or history lesson with each of my song blogs, but that’s not gonna happen on the topic of zombies. Nope. Since I’m a zombie expert, you’re getting a top 30-or-so list of the best zombie stuff ever. What’s “stuff?” Anything can be stuff. Movies, comics, video games, 3-minute radio plays from my album, tv shows, you name it. I’ve even ranked them this time. Please feel free to disagree loudly and often.

My criteria for “what makes a zombie” can be summed up in two words: infection and resurrection. Here’s the best 32 things ever made about zombies.

32. Return of the Living Dead Movie The punk sibling of George A. Romero’s flicks. It has a naked zombie girl for most of it.
31. Resident Evil Movie It’s not the best of it’s breed, but it sets the tone
for it’s superior sequels.
30. Resident Evil 5 Game The best looking zombies in game history.
29. Day of the Dead (Remake) Movie This one got bonus points for taking place in CO.
28. House of the Dead Game No arcade is complete without this cabinet and it’s two plastic guns on wires.
27. Resident Evil 2 Movie Basically, it’s the first movie expanded to a
citywide scale. Monsters are horrible though.
26. Dead Snow Movie Not the most sensical zombie film, but the zombies are Nazis. So there’s that.
25. Pandorum Movie I’m still not sure this fits the genre, which is the
only reason its this low on the list.
24. Resident Evil 3 Movie The third time was a charm. It’d be nice if the trend continued for the fourth.
23. I Am Legend Movie They screwed up the ending.
22. Dead Space Game This is a borderline genre call as well, but it’s so
damn good. Possibly the scariest game ever.
21. Thriller Music Video Normally, I don’t like when zombies dance. Did you know Michael Jackson’s in this?
20. I Am Legend Book It’s much better with the original ending, because
then the title actually makes sense.
19. Undead Movie Few have seen this Australian comedy, which sucks. Its almost as good as Shaun of the Dead.
18. Resident Evil 4 Game Re-invigorated the survival horror and zombie genres.
17. Dead/Alive Movie The bloodiest movie ever. Works for me.
16. Dead Rising 2: Case Zero Game This mini-game sets the table for Dead Rising 2, which could compete for the top spot on this list.
15. Land of the Dead Movie Romero’s take on classism in the USA.
14. Zombieland Movie It’s not perfect, but it’s a decent training video
for the actual zombie apocalypse.
13. Planet Terror Movie Robert Rodriguez’s zombie apocalypse not only has great zombies, it has great characters.
12. World War Z Book This book is the definitive work on how it will all
go down on a global scale.
11. [Rec] Movie This Spanish movie is the Blair Witch of zombie films. It was remade poorly by Americans.
10. 28 Weeks Later Movie This sequel is great because it’s about screwing it all up after we defeat the zombies.
9. Dawn of the Dead Movie The classic satire on American consumerism.
8. The Walking Dead Comic It’s not even finished yet, and it gets 8th place.
7. Left 4 Dead Game This was the first simulator to really get it right.
If everyone played it, we’d all be ready…
6. Left 4 Dead 2 Game ..and this is the definitive simulator. I practice
once or twice a week, just to stay sharp.
5. Night of the Living Dead Movie Simply put, Patient Zero.
4. 28 Days Later Movie This is the most hardcore zombie movies get without being Italian and unwatchable.
3. Shaun of the Dead Movie More than a comedy, it’s a zombie amalgamation, a zombgalmation, if you will.
2. Dawn of the Dead (Remake) Movie I’m sure people will disagree, but for me, this one summarizes the genre perfectly.
1. Dead Rising Game Every facet of the zombie apocalypse you could ever want to explore and it all fits in the mall.

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admin, September 1st 2010 | Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in Mp3s

Hetero-Strike (And the Death of Proposition 8)

Proposition 8 is no more! In case you haven’t heard, a United States District Court Judge named Vaughn Walker has struck down Proposition 8 in California by ruling it unconstitutional. Judge Walker was quoted as saying, “The main reason for my decision was an awesome song I heard written by Rhune Kincaid. It was this great protest number called “Hetero-Strike” from his first solo album, Space Hell Sex Bunny. Coincidentally, the mp3 is free, or you can name-your-own-price so Rhune can afford to record more great songs.  I’ll provide links below!”

Hetero-Strike Lyrics Download

"I know some guys that I think are gay," Walker said. "And I'll be damned if they get shafted... by the government."

The judge continued his praise and went on to say, “It has the trappings of an 80’s pop-rock song with its driving electronic beat and cascading, yet simple lead guitar done in a rich reverb reminiscent of U2’s guitarist, The Edge. The lyrics are biting, and I heard that Rhune was once confronted by an angry Mormon. (Editor’s note: it’s true!) He also continues to donate proceeds from the Mp3 sales to the National Center for Lesbian Rights. What a guy!”

“You might be thinking that the NCLR doesn’t need that money anymore, but believe me, they’re still paying lawyers and shi’.”

It was quite the honor to have my song mentioned and described with such intimate detail by such an influential figure. He also included all the pertinent marketing copy! It’s also nice to live in a state that’s no longer endorsing bigotry. Sadly, the fact remains that even though it’s unconstitutional, the majority of voters actually did want to ban gay marriage. Poor form, California, poor form.

Hopefully, the ruling will be upheld by the Federal appeals… or someone will come to their senses and realize that the best solution would be to just abolish marriage altogether. No more marriage, no more fighting over who gets it.

This ruling is good news for sane people, but bad news for me. One of my best songs will soon be obsolete.  I’ll have to find a new topic for a protest song. Loyal readers, what’s pissing you off these days?

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admin, August 6th 2010 | Tags: , , , , ,
Posted in Mp3s, Space Hell Sex Bunny, press

Drunk Girls (And the Top 9 Most Entertaining Drunks of All-Time)

It’s time for another song blog. This time it’s for “Drunk Girls.” My sister says that this song makes me seem creepy and that I shouldn’t play it, but whenever I ask my girlfriend which song I should add to a setlist, she says, “Drunk Girls.” Have a listen and decide for yourself:

Drunk Girls Lyrics Download

And don’t forget that all my music is now available on a “name-your-own-price” basis. That means you can download and listen for free, or pitch in a little money so I can afford rent and ramen.

For the studio version, I wanted to sound super shallow. I’ve always admired the blatant shallowness of Cobra Starship, so I tried to imitate their dance-punk groove. I also laid on the auto-tune, because as we all know, there’s no cheaper trick in the Pro Tools bag than auto-tuning the life out of your voice.  It is one of my all-time favorite recordings, because it has the funkiest bassline I ever played. I wish they were all that funky, but the funk mothership only visits me every now and then.

I thought I’d make up a list of my favorite drunk girls to go along with this, but I didn’t get very far. In fact, it was pretty boring. I realized that the most entertaining drunks of all-time are mostly men. We’re just better at it. Sorry girls. It was going to be a Top 10 List, but one of the most entertaining drunks of all-time was a high school budy of mine who once vowed to be drunk for an entire spring break. I didn’t want to slander any non-celebrities. So, without further delay, here are the Top 9 Most Entertaining Drunks of All-Time, in no particular order:

Tony Stark, aka “Iron Man” is the highest functioning alcoholic of all-time. He can pilot the Iron Man suit, invent pretty much anything and bed impossibly-figured women all while incredibly sloshed. His weapon of choice is usually Scotch. This theme was addressed most famously in the 1979 storyline, “Demon in a Bottle.” Will this theme be prevalent in the third movie, or will the drunken dancing in Iron Man 2 be the end of Tony’s drunken hijinks?
Gary was an actor hired by Team America to infiltrate an Arab spy ring. When he failed, his whole team got captured which led to an epic drinking binge. That lead to the most epic puking scene in movie history. Watch it backwards. In case you didn’t know, he’s a puppet voiced by Trey Parker, and he appears in 2004’s scathing satire on terrorism, Team America: World Police.
Mel Gibson is not a fictional character. However, he apparently acts like a fictional character even when he’s not acting. Mel’s drunkeness is entertaining like a car accident, because you can’t look away. Judging by the plethora of far-out sound bytes he’s given us, Mel’s creativity is super-powered by the silly sauce. It is not unlike the relationship between Popeye’s muscles and spinach. Mel comes up with turns-of-phrase that a normal imagination could never compose. Some people are surprised that Mel is a crazy, sadistic psycho, but I guess those same people never watched the last scene of Mad Max.
Meet Grover Cleveland Alexander, one of the greatest pitchers of baseball’s roaring 20’s. He played from 1911 to 1930 for the Phillies, Cubs and Cardinals. He won 373 games, which is the 3rd-most of all-time. Things really picked up in 1926 when the Cubs got sick of his drunkeness and sold him to the Cardinals. The Cardinals met up with the Yankees in the 1926 World Series. After winning Game 6 with a complete game masterpiece, Grover allegedly went on quite a bender. His manager called on him to close out Game 7 anyway, and when Babe Ruth made a base-stealing blunder to end the game, Grover recorded the series-ending save. These schnokered heroics were portrayed in the 1952 movie The Winning Team starring Ronald Reagan.
Terl was a Psychlo security chief with aspirations of great wealth. He used human slaves in a half-baked gold-smuggling operation in the film adaptation of L. Ron Hubbard’s Battlefield Earth. Portrayed by John Travolta, Terl provided the film’s most entertaining moment when he got drunk and said that he was not groomed for “some cushy job.” I can’t explain why this is entertaining. You just have to watch this scene. “While you were still learning to SPELL YOUR NAME!”
Harry Potter makes the list because I think that Horace Slughorn’s Felix Felis potion is probably just tequila.
It takes a lot of chutzpah to send a “fuck you” in a judge’s direction, even if it’s subtley painted. Lindsey Lohan is the kind of girl my song is really about, but not the kind of girl I would want to hang out with. Luckily, she is locked away so that’s not a possibility, though I wouldn’t turn down the chance to visit a women’s prison. It looks like a wild joint. She was more attractive before all the chemicals, but I have to admire her blatant disrespect for authority figures.
Trey Parker’s voice makes the list again, for my favorite South Park character, Randy Marsh. Randy drives drunk. He fights drunk. He rips off his shirt. He loses his pants. He re-enacts the Civil War blasted on schnapps. He “lracks disirplrine.” He spends his last dollar on a Margarita-ville Margarita maker.  His favorite liquor appears to be tequila followed by “beers to keep his buzz going.”
It turns out Lynda Carter was a big-time alcoholic. That’s not that entertaining, but I don’t need much of an excuse to post a picture of her in the classic Wonder Woman costume. Much better than the new one.

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admin, July 15th 2010 | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in American Chipfunk, Mp3s, off topic

Copping a Feel (Download and History Lesson)

I’m going to write a series of blogs about some of my favorite tracks from my two comedy albums. All of my music is now available on a “name your own price” basis. That means you can download it for free, or pitch in a little to support my musicomedy habit. So feel free to download and listen along.
Coppin’ a Feel Lyrics Download
I think the reason that “Coppin’ a Feel” is my favorite song is because it is about something that I am truly passionate about: grabbing boobs. I think it’s the most genuine song I’ve ever written, because it’s subject matter is something I truly hold dearly. It’s a topic that I can really grasp. I’ve seen a lot of gropings happen in the audience while I play this song, and I like to think of this track as the “home edition.” Feel free to play it anywhere as a license to squeeze.

I’ve played this song more than any song I’ve ever played in my life. It has been a part of nearly every show I’ve done since I wrote it, so it seemed natural to make it the first song on American Chipfunk. It was my favorite bit of percussion sequencing, and it was the song that convinced me I was doing the right thing thing by switching from Fruity Loops to Ableton Live for my drum tracks. I ended up using a little electric guitar, some synth, and piano in additional to my usual lineup.

To show that I do my research and am not just writing songs willy-nilly, here is a brief pictorial history lesson on “The Art of the Grope”:

Copping a Feel was invented way before the birth of Christ. This photo was taken long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away.

Nipple pinching was popular in 1591, when an unknown French painter captured this gem. It now hangs in the Louvre.

The 1930's were not-so-great for most, but this unidentified man scored a stone-faced double boob grab.

It doesn't always have to be grabbing a boob, it can be the butt of a famous athlete like Kerri Walsh, as long as she's distracted.

Accio mammary! Even famous authors like JK Rowling are not safe from the molestation of our g-g-generation.

In the future, the Vulcan nipple pinch could replace all other forms of copping a feel. It's sweet revenge on Spock for Captain Kirk.

Don’t you feel smarter now?

Now, in the interest of saving boobies, melons, juggs, hooters, ta-tas, mounds, tits, titties, yabbos, garbanzos, cans, knockers, mammaries, sweater puppies and funbags so that they’ll still be around to squeeze, fondle, grab, pinch, honk or rub, here are some ways to help prevent breast cancer or raise awareness:

Think Pink: http://www.blogcatalog.com/blog/think-pink-for-breast-cancer-awareness

Sponsor my friend Becky Kinder in the 2010 Avon Walk for Breast Cancer

And lastly, eat Pomegranates.

And for some 5th of July fun, here is someone’s list of the most influential boobs in American history. For some reason, they are all actresses, and I can’t help but cringe at the painfully glaring omission of Mrs. Mary Phelps Jacob, the inventor of the modern brassiere… Anyway: http://blogs.ocweekly.com/heardmentality/wtf/boob-war-special-the-13-origin/

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admin, July 5th 2010 | Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in American Chipfunk, Mp3s, albums, off topic, studio

American Chipfunk – Available On the Internet!

My new album, American Chipfunk, is now on the legendary internet in ultra-convenient MP3!

Click here to go to the ‘American Chipfunk’ MP3 page to LISTEN, DOWNLOAD and share!

Don’t like links? Here’s a widget that brings the ENTIRE ALBUM to you! Pass it around!

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admin, June 21st 2010 | Tags: , , ,
Posted in American Chipfunk, Mp3s, albums, studio
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