Diamonds Are For Morons (Official Music Video)

One day, I started wondering why diamonds are so expensive. And if they are so rare and expensive, how could they possibly have become such an integral part of our engagement rituals? Historically, very few people have been lucky enough to have disposable income, and yet, a whole lot of people have gotten engaged.

How can so many people have observed an expensive ritual that requires an allegedly unobtainable resource?

How does that work?

Something doesn’t add up.

I did some research. I learned about a lot of lying. I wrote an essay. I set it to music and it was 26 minutes long, and I didn’t have nearly that much music. I wrote some more music. I linked the six themes and looped them to stick in your head. I cut the essay down considerably and practiced reading it really fast. I recorded it and worked with an animator to create a video.

There’s a lot more that I wish I could’ve included. I wish I’d mentioned the fact that most of the world’s diamonds live in warehouses in Great Britain. Or that the biggest boom in the diamond tradition came from targeting traumatized World War II veterans who were looking for ideas to hang onto as they attempted to return to normalcy. Or how “recommitment rings” and “recommitment ceremonies” are just a shallow attempt to pawn off an excess of supply to a disinterested demographic. I wish I’d relayed more icky quotes in my old-timey barker voice.

But I didn’t make time for everything. So, in 2,250ish words and 13ish minutes, here is all of the most important stuff that I learned.

I hope it makes you laugh at a few things; I hope it makes you question everything.

If this blows your mind too, PLEASE share and “funny” the video on Funny or Die.
Or share the YouTube if you prefer.
It’s also on Facebook for liking and sharing and commenting.
And it’s way too long for Twitter. So don’t look there.

If you want the MP3 of this song or any of my songs and albums, you’ll find them all for your downloading and streaming pleasure(s) at

diamonds are for morons by rhune kincaid