Nerd Stuff Listicles on Ranker (#24-30)

There’s no better kept secret on the internet than the articles I write for Ranker.com… until now! One of these babies has over 2.4 million views. Millions! Which one? You’ll have to read to find out, but it has to do with sex and a TV show with a title that rhymes with Schmame of Schmones.

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-important-events-that-happened-before-game-of-thrones-even-started#24 – Game of Thrones Backstories that Happened Before the Books Even Started

This was extremely fun to write. It’s probably the second or third or thirty-ninth best (unofficial) prequel to A Song of Fire and Ice you can possibly read! Though practically everyone involved is already dead, readers seem to think that the whole Rhaegar-Targaryan-kidnapping-Lyanna-Stark thing will be a prominent storyline in the seasons to come whilst poo-pooing on Jorah Mormont and Mance Rayder’s storylines.
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Morrison#25 – The Best Grant Morrison Comics of All Time

I barely remember writing this one, but it’s all true. All-Star Superman has bubbled to the top, but my pick will always be The Invisibles and Morrison’s plea for a spiritual “wankathon” to keep the book from getting canned. It was my introduction to “chaos magic,” which I’m still not any good at.
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George-RR-Martin#26 – Surprising Facts about George R. R. Martin’s Writing Habits

Writing about how someone else writes their writings was one of the more grueling things I’ve been written to to write about. I can’t deny that GRRM is a quirky dude, but I guess I’m a quirky enough dude that I’m only surprised that he doesn’t have quirkier quirks. The most surprising fact about him is that he’s not more arrogant or precious about his baby (like the hacks that are currently ruining The Walking Dead). I also like his hats.
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efrem-zimbalist-jr-in-batman-the-animated-series-photo-u2#27 – The Best Alfreds in Batman History

Back to comic books, or at least, comic-book-based properties for me! I had kind of assumed that people would vote the movie actors up to the top of the list, so I’m happy to see that Efrem Zimbalist Jr.’s portrayal from Batman: The Animated Series has risen to the lead. Ranker rankers know what they’re ranking about.
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just-one-of-the-guys-photo-u6#28 – 22 Unexpected Nude Scenes in Movies

It looks like Jason Segel’s wiener is still holding down the top spot on this list. Boobs are downright commonplace, but a surprise wiener can be the most unexpected nudity of all. I originally posted uncensored images with the understanding that someone at Ranker was going to make black bars, but I guess they just went for bare-ly related screengrabs. I’m sorry, Mr. Skin, I have failed you.
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#29 – Game of Thrones Sex Scenes That Aren’t Even in the Books

This list appears to be non-voteable, which is a shame, because it could be ranked by scandalousness, egregiousness, or gratuitousness. But you know what? I don’t care. That’s because it has, at the time of blogging, 2.4 million views. If I had a penny for everyone of those views, I think I’d have like $24,000? I think it makes sense to amp up the visual intensity of a book when it’s being adapted to the screen, but these scenes have made some folks (who probably still wear buckles on their hats) get all huffy. I only get huffy over the ones that involve drastic character and/or plot changes.
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#30 – Game of Thrones Religions Worth Believing In

People are just not into the Lord of Light! Voters would rather turn their lips blue or be confused, beaten and blinded by the Many-Faced God than join up with R’Hllor, and I dunno, learn how to ressurect the dead? That seems cool to me, but I guess not everyone is onboard with burning children at the stake. Sign me up!
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Nerd Stuff Listicles on Ranker (Lists #21-23)

It’s time for another Reader’s Digest for the weirdo-nerd articles I’ve been writing for Ranker!

diamond#21 – The 26 Reasons Diamonds are for Suckers

This is probably my all-time favorite. I like it so much; I’ve decided to turn it into a song on my next album. If you read this and still go out and buy a diamond, you’re a moron. I have no idea how anyone should vote on this list, because all 26 entries are equally good reasons to never, ever buy a diamond.
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the-best-spawn-action-figures-ever-sculpted-u1#22 – The Best Spawn Action Figures Ever Sculpted

This is some 3D nerd stuff right here. I’m happy to see that the top voted option is one that I own. People sure do like Spawn more than his Rogue’s Gallery, but I’ll always have a spot in my heart for Cygor, the man/gorilla cyborg with a monkey in his chest.

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default#23 – Everyone Mystique Impersonates Someone in the X-Men Movies

Wow, this was an emotional ride. For someone as wrapped up in X-Men lore as myself, marathoning the whole XCU was a trip. So much goodness; so much awfulness. Voting is disabled on this list so it can be chronological forever.
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Calling All Ears

As you already know (or are already sick of hearing about), I’ve been working on recording my 16-song album since June. For the most part, I play all the… parts and produce and mix and all that stuff. I can be pretty insular and isolationist, which in the smart part of my brain, I know is bad for the baby (the album, I mean).  I’ve done it that way twice and it went “ok,” but I’d like to try something else this time.

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Would anyone be interested in checking out some of the in-progress recordings and giving me some opinions and/or feedback? It doesn’t matter if you’re a pro or a layman as long as you have ears (or some other method of hearing music, I’m not picky). I’ve got a contact page!

Album #3 Progress Report #2 – Vocals Aplenty

I’m halfway into recording the vocals for what will be album #3. I took a hearty break after the last bass tracks to work out a new song (tentatively) called “Diamonds Are For Suckers.” It’s 14 minutes long, so now this thing is an album for sure! I’ve never done an album with such diverse vocal stylings, so I’m quickly learning that recording a rap is different from recording a rant, which is not the same as recording beatbox, none of which are the same as recording the singing that I’m used to doing. On top of that, I’m doing it all in my closet studio. 🙂 So, per usual, it’s going pretty slowly. I started in June, and I’d say I’m about halfway done… so… nope, still not committing to any dates.

For the record, I have at least five rap songs now, and they’re not all bad.

Nerd Stuff Listicles on Ranker (Lists #12-20)

The nerdery never stops. These are the listicles of the starship Rhunerprise, and they’re focused on comic books, collectibles, movies, and more. After they leave my hands, the millions…. and millions… (no, really, millions) of Ranker readers get to vote on the order, which is always interesting for me. Let’s see how it’s been going.

Worthless 90's Collectibles#12 – The Most Worthless 90’s Collectibles You Spent Money On

I got way into researching the rise and fall of Beanie Babies and was very interested to get to the bottom of why collectible prospecting became such a booming practice during the 90’s. Strangely enough, the item that’s been voted to the top was an afterthought for me. At the last minute, I decided to add an entry about the things people didn’t look at as collectible at the time, because, of course, those are the things that did become collectibles. I never should’ve parted ways with my JVC X-Eye (a bootleg Sega CD game console).
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Adult Comic Books#13 – 17 Grown Up Comics That Definitely Aren’t For Kids

This is a comic book list I was born to write! However, as I was researching it, I came to learn that I only know about the tip of the iceberg when it comes to adult comics. But whether they’re erotic, or violent, or both, these are the smutty comics that are actually worth reading. I’m surprised to see Bomb Queen taking the top spot, but I’m not surprised to see a personal favorite, Omaha the Cat Dancer, languishing near the middle. Furry soap operas aren’t for everybody.

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Sexy Superhero Scenes#14 – The Sexiest Scenes in Superhero Movies

They decided to take it easy on me and let me talk about movies. Finally, my film degree paid off! You might think it’s easy to point out sexy scenes in superhero movies until you’re forced to examine hundreds of them. It was grueling. I tried to be fair and include as many male moments as female moments, but the voters seem to have other plans. At least we’re all in agreement that Catwoman sucks.
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Sexiest Non-Superhero Scenes#15 – Sexiest Scenes in Non-Superhero Comic Book Movies

Once I’d finished the previous list, I couldn’t leave all this quality research on the cutting room floor. There’s a lot less non-superhero comic book movies, but since they’re not as heavily marketed to kids, there’s a lot more sexiness in them. Reviewing the voting on this list confirms something I already knew; everyone likes Eva Green’s knockers.
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Creey Superhero Sex Scenes#16 – The 15 Creepiest Sex Scenes in Superhero Movies

Noting my obvious expertise, the handsome gentlemen at Ranker asked me to add to one of their preexisting lists that needed to made creepier and sexier. I can’t argue with Howard the Duck making the top of the list, but I don’t think there’s enough appreciation for how creepy some of the things that go down in Kick-Ass and Kick-Ass 2. The fact that the comics are even creepier takes some of the edge off, I suppose.
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Crime Comics#17 – The Best Crime Comics to Ever Hit the Shelves

The best discovery I made on this list was Scalped. If you learn nothing else from reading these lists, learn that you should read Scalped. Voters agree, but not enough to outpace 100 Bullets and some classic Sin City yarns. Apparently, there’s not a love for Hunter, which is kind of a bummer. This might be my favorite genre of comics, so it was fun to punch up a good list of quality crime reads.
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Comic Book Prisons#18 – Comic Book Prisons Where You Wouldn’t Want To Do Time

Nobody wants to go to prison, but if you had to, it would be a lot more interesting to be locked up in a comic book prison. The chances of breaking out are just too good! I’m surprised that people are into Ant-Man’s personal prison, The Big House, so much more than some other classics, but I guess he’s hot right now.
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best-comic-book-bars-u1#19 – Comic Book Bars Where You’d Want to Get a Drink

The Hellfire Club has taken the top spot on this list, though I started it out with Kadie’s Pecos Bar as my #1. It kind of makes sense, because going there means you’re rich, and that means you’re going to be able to have a lot of fun including the mutant kind. Going to Kadie’s means you live in a hellhole that will probably get you killed. Personally, I’d rather pass on committing to any one bar and follow Conan around all the time.
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-female-comic-book-characters-who-are-smarter-than-you-u1#20 – Female Comic Book Characters Who Are Smarter Than You

My mom inspired this list when she asked me to name a female superhero who was also a scientist. It took me a little while to name The Engineer from The Authority and Fathom which made me realize how rare it is that comic books attribute females with intelligence. Given time, I came up with plenty of smart comic book ladies, but it still feels like they are the exceptions rather than the rules. Sage isn’t high enough in the voting, but otherwise, I’m happy with this list and it’s 100k+ views.
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